You find a better seat than yesterday. In a corner. The group starts with a woman you've never met passing around handouts. Handouts for mental illness like it's a kindergarten class on how to write the letter A. Draw a 45 degree angle. Breathe in and think about the problem. Connect the two lines with a line in the middle. Breathe out and think of all of the solutions. Keep calm. Follow Freud, or was is Schrodinger, or that guy that wrote that book about the 7 Habits? Avoid eye contact. Why do you keep making eye contact? She'll call on you if you make eye contact. You try to look away but it's not in time and suddenly your name is being uttered. An almost death sentence in group. And suddenly you're sharing things with people you've known for a total of 8 hours that you haven't been able to share with people you've known for 18 years. You had to do a diversion class once, and oddly enough this reminds you of it. Everyone is talking but they seem to only be talking to pass the time. They just want to say enough words to get past the 6 hours that you're supposed to be there. 5 hours and 45 minutes if you're lucky. You get unnecessarily angry at those who seem to have such an easy time sharing and roll your eyes at those who refuse to open up. Why in mental health does there seem to be no happy middle? Why is it that almost every person you know who is mentally ill seems to only see life in black in white? All of the things or nothing at all. Note to self; look up that symptom on the internet.
So you do.
Next note to self; do not self diagnose.
